I hate to be a killjoy and say that women are the reason that chivalry is dead…but why refrain from stating the truth? Not only have the last three guys I’ve dined with at Starbucks not offered to pay for my $2.00 cup of coffee, they stared wistfully at me in hopes of combining our orders. Although there are some women who would have been just fine pooling together resources at the cash register on a first date, I have to admit that I like being spoiled from time to time- or at least treated to a latté.
What’s even more perplexing than a man who shamelessly relies on a dolled up stranger to provide his java is a woman who cringes at good manners. Why is it that so many women are threatened by the word “chivalry”? The Oxford Dictionary defines it as “courteous behavior.” For me at least, this evokes images of people who chew with their mouths closed, ask how your afternoon progressed, and save their flatulence for anyone but you. In weaker moments, it also calls to mind men with ripped abs and British accents. However, none of these pictures pose a threat to my understanding of who I am as a woman or undermine my femininity. If anything, being respectful of others is an attribute we can all aspire to uphold. Isn’t it?
During my tenure as a woman seeking a serious relationship, my friends have advised me to take the progressive route and deviate from online dating conventions. In other words, they wanted me to ask men out, stop shaving my pits, and even take ownership of proposing marriage. All of which is well and good – for some. It wasn’t until I stood paralyzed in front of my 20something barista, hoping that I wouldn’t leave my date with first degree burns, that I realized I am not a woman who wants absolute control. I learned that seeking a considerate companion isn’t admission of weakness, simply a preference.
So the next time my internet match wants to connect in the real world, I will insist that we try something loftier than the generic coffee spot - and that he arrive with wallet in hand!